30 Things I Wish I Learned Before I Turned 30

Anyone with younger siblings knows that there is no greater source of joy in their lives than reminding you you’re older than they are. Last month I celebrated my 30th birthday with a trip designed to ward off any existential anxiety that comes with hitting the big “3–0.” The tour was a carefully orchestrated plan to induce an awareness that would allow me to embrace the turning of a page into the next chapter of life. To accept change in all of its beauty and mystery. For a while, this worked great. That is until my youngest brother pointed out a gray hair sprouting from the side of my head with the biggest shit-eating grin that could be found anywhere north of the equator.

The sting of the questions lost its venom long before the actual day of my 30th. In the 12 months leading up to April 5th, I quickly learned a few of everyone’s favorite new inquiries for me:

“What are you going to do when you turn 30?”

“How does it feel to be old?”

And my mom’s personal favorite: “When are you going to have kids?”

The questions I could handle, but my hair? Time had officially taken it too far.

Of course, it wasn’t just the hair. I felt wrinkles forming in my bones. This was no longer a matter of intellectual awareness of my age. The day after my 29th birthday, it was like my body decided to “quiet quit.” My eyelids felt like dumbbells, hangovers became weekends, and pickup basketball at the local park seemed as rigorous an activity as an NBA playoff game.

At the same time, there was a sweetness to entering a new decade. The sense of identity, the compounding education through years of making mistakes, and the financial freedom to afford a steak dinner without having to consult my checking account were worth considering. Although my 20s were a mixed bag of good times and bad, I felt a renewed sense of optimism regarding this new decade in life.

And sure being in Amsterdam for it was a pretty nice band-aid…

What are your 20s if not both a playground and an existential nightmare? Responsibilities are limited, you have more freedom than ever before, and your body has an engine that would make Thomas the Train jealous. Yet at the same time, you’re just getting into a career, experiencing heartbreak in all forms, becoming an actual adult, and trying to determine the direction of the rest of your life. As I reflect on my 20s, I’m not confronted with envy for those experiencing it for the first time, but rather a meditative self-reflection about my journey so far.

Am I where I want to be?

What do the next 10 years look like?

Do the sum total of my choices add up to the kind of person I‘ve strived to be?

There’s a warning in the passenger side mirror of almost every car, warning you that objects are closer than they appear. I suppose when we ruminate on our memories, sometimes the opposite seems true.

I suppose the single greatest thing about getting older is the wisdom you acquire through experience.

As I gaze into the reflection of my own journey through life, I realize there are many things I wish I had known before I officially became uncool. While everyone’s path is unique, there are certain universal lessons we learn that can help us get by.

Here are 30 reflections and perspectives I wish I had known before the day I turned 30:

1. Before you can enjoy anything new you must learn to be grateful for what you have.
2. Suffering is the product of resistance.
3. It’s just as easy to get lost in your thoughts as it is to discard them.
4. Be a fan of everyone.
5. Envy is the thief of joy.
6. Humility and Confidence have a lot in common.
7. Walking is the best exercise.
8. Having good systems is better than having great motivation.
9. There are mistakes and the things you learn from and they’re never the same thing.
10. There isn’t a worse use of time than being outraged at someone else’s outrage.
11. Never take any one thing too seriously.
12. It’s better to say less than necessary.
13. If you’re engaging in a bad habit a little bit more than you want to be doing it then it might be a good idea to do none of it.
14. Grief is not a linear process; it comes in waves.
15. When you find a hobby you like, keep doing it.
16. Zero days are the death of progress.
17. Books literally make you smarter.
18. It’s perfectly okay to change your mind.
19. You are responsible for you.
20. Think of coming back to “The Present” as a metric of success.
21. Everyone appreciates a sense of humor.
22. Everyone is created equal, but not equally. Take time to understand your strengths and weaknesses.
23. Self-Criticism is not the same as Self-flagellation.
24. Happiness means different things to different people.
25. You are a product of the people you surround yourself with.
26. Try and view new opportunities as experiments instead of anything high-stakes.
27. Travel is expensive but will make your life rich.
28. Anger is rarely a productive emotion.
29. Practice empathy whenever possible.
30. Whatever makes you feel alive, passionate, or a sense of purpose is the right direction.