How I Turned Buying Ice Cream Into a Stoic Practice
This has been my secret for the past several months, and I call it a “secret,” because I’m not one to brag about good deeds. If you ever catch me giving money or food to the homeless on video for clout, please don’t hesitate to kick my ass.
Every day I take at least one walk. There’s a park in my neighborhood that is never empty, and a lap around it, and back to my apartment is almost exactly a mile. On these strolls I make it a rule to never take my headphones, and to use it as an opportunity to think. I pass tennis courts, baseball fields, a dog park, a japanese garden, and skatepark. Each of these scenes offers an opportunity for people watching, and I’ve found a growing sense of community in enjoying the outdoors with so many others. A few months back I was taking my walk, and I was meditating on the idea of morality or more specifically what makes an action right or wrong. “Action” being the operative word here. We hear it all the time: talk not action.
People will claim that they are a good person in order to combat a morally ambiguous action they’ve just committed. They’ll say if I had that kind of money then I would do A,B, and C to fight injustice, but I can’t because I don’t. Another person might convince themselves that the issue is a lack of time, yet their phone activity data says otherwise. We’re all too familiar with that one guy friend who thinks he’s tough and who would have totally made a difference if only they had been there only to cause an eye roll on every head within a quarter mile radius. Ultimately, these are nothing more than empty words that add up to nothing.
Let’s be clear about one thing — I’m guilty of all of the above which is why I was thinking about all of these things in the first place. As I was considering what changes I could put into place, I turned a corner and saw a line of young skaters waiting to be served by an ice cream truck that is perpetually parked outside of the park. They were huddled together, passing singles back and forth so that they would have enough to order whatever they wanted from the man inside. Instead of passing the truck like I usually do, I asked them if they would mind if I paid for whatever they wanted from the truck. They asked me if I was serious, I told them that I was, and they agreed. They were very thankful and polite about it, but I wasn’t about to hang around a bunch of 13 year olds as a man flirting with 30, so as soon as I paid I was on my way back home.
Then the next day the same thing happened. Line of skaters get a free treat on me. They’re stoked, I get to say I did a good deed to myself, and it’s a win-win. This repeats itself many times over the past several months. Sometimes there’s one kid, sometimes there seems to be an entire basketball team in line. Doesn’t matter. The rule is if there’s a line everyone gets a treat. As of today, no one has ever turned it down.
But who cares? The reason I do it is not for good karma, or so that I can brag about it to my friends. Until now, I’ve told no one that I even do this.The objective of me doing this is that I have a unique experience that reminds me that action is necessary to be a generous, or to be kind. Action is the not-so-secret ingredient to being a more disciplined person, a loyal friend, or a better man.
Last week something special happened that inspired me to write this post. As I was approaching the truck, I made my stop and asked a group of skaters if I could pay for their stuff, which they agreed to. However, this time there was another adult in line who asked what I was doing. I responded by saying, “I’m just picking up this tab. I didn’t have any money when I was their age, so it’s just something that I like to do,” and then I offered to pay for his stuff as well.
He refused me, and instead asked if he could split the tab with me. I told him it was fine, but he insisted by removing cash from his pocket and placing it in my hands with one hand folded over mine.
“Take it,” he said. “I want to help.”
So I let him help. We both picked up the bill, and he thanked me for letting him pay. Later that night I was thinking about it a bit more, and came to the conclusion that practicing compassion and kindness is candy for the soul. It elevates our humanity by putting positive energy back into the world that desperately needs it. But the evolution of this is inspiring other people to do the same.
Yesterday, it was some random guy at the park offering to split the bill. Maybe tomorrow one of these kids will internalize the free ice cream, and help their mom out by doing the dishes. Maybe one of you will read this, and go show some love to someone who needs it.
It’s a domino effect. Empathy breeds empathy. Whatever you put out in the world has a lasting effect that we might never see, but our actions here on earth ripple through eternity.
Instead of thinking about how we can be good, or talking about how we can better, why don’t we just do it? Oftentimes it’s much easier than we think it’s going to be. The key is taking action.
